Why I Hate My Sister-In-Law

When Adam and I found out that we were pregnant with Nixon we were ecstatic. We had been trying for 9 months to conceive, and I had actually had a consultation about our fertility with my OB.  After our 10 week ultrasound we decided it was a good time to announce our news. My family was ecstatic. Adam’s family … not so much. To be fair his dad and grandparents were thrilled, but his Mom acted as though we were a couple of high school kids who forgot to use a rubber and got knocked up. His sister Amber’s response? “I wouldn’t tell anyone until after 14 weeks because the rate of miscarriage is so high”

Really? Your little brother tells you he’s going to have a baby and you bring up the rate of miscarriage?

A few months later, at a “family dinner” Amber and her husband announced that they too were expecting a child (They were only 5 weeks pregnant BTW, funny how that works huh?).

The reaction from Adam’s family was the complete opposite. His mom literally jumped up and down with Amber.

Really? We didn’t deserve that kind of reaction? The conception of our baby didn’t merit that level of joy?

I tried to contain myself, but I knew I was about to breakdown, so I excused myself to the restroom (I said I needed to pee) while everyone went outside to take a picture. I tried really hard to gain composure but I just couldn’t believe what I had just seen. When I came out of the restroom, and I saw Adam there, looking just as upset as I was, I told him I couldn’t handle it, and I started crying. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I told him to tell everyone I wasn’t feeling well and we were going to go home. I sent Amber a text message apologizing for leaving early and again, congratulating her on her pregnancy.

Apparently Amber decided to be a drama queen, and make the duration of the evening about us leaving, or, more likely, about what a bitch I am. She later sent me an email informing us that the reason no one in the family was happy for us was because no one thought we were capable of raising a child. “The reason that everyone reacted the way we did when you told us was because we were concerned about the life that you were bringing a child into.”

I was a week shy of 7 months pregnant the night of that dinner and, needless to say, I was devastated by what I saw. I told Amber that we were really happy for her (and we were), and I thought she might have understood why we might have been upset. But the 5 page hate filled email she sent me proved me wrong, and I found out that the one person (aside from Adam’s dad) who I felt really close to in Adam’s family actually hated me all along. She pretended to be my friend all the while bashing me behind my back with other family members and family friends at every turn.

I struggled with this betrayal over the next week or so. I must have read her hate-filled diatribe a dozen times, each time finding something new to be offended by. The bickering between us continued for a number of days and then on Thursday night, October 14, I realized how big my feet were. My ankles were REALLY swollen, and the headaches I’d been experiencing all week were getting stronger and more frequent- I was seeing spots and experiencing dizzy spells. I decided to move my prenatal checkup to the next morning, rather than wait until Tuesday.

When I got to my appointment the nurse took my blood pressure and gave a puzzled look. My aunt Judy, who had prompted me to see the DR after seeing my feet, asked what the look was for and the nurse said the machine was probably broken because my blood pressure read 215/185. They took my blood pressure about 20 more times, with every cuff and machine they had in the office, and each time it was the same.

I was then told I would need to be admitted immediately because I was at the risk of having a stroke, seizures or even dying. I was told a few hours later that if they didn’t deliver the baby immediately that I would probably die. I refused- I was 1 day past 28 weeks and I’d read enough books and seen enough episodes of House to know that my baby still needed time to grow and develop. They gave me steroid injections to help advance the baby’s lungs, in case we had to deliver her, and they pumped me full of a number of different blood pressure medications, but nothing was working.

By Saturday morning my kidneys started to fail. My Dr. said I didn’t have a choice, I had a severe case of preeclampsia and the baby had to be delivered or I would die.

Nixon was delivered via C-Section at 2:48pm that day. She weighed 2lbs 5 ounces and was only 13.5 inches long.I was throwing up and convulsing during the whole thing, and I didn’t even get to look at her before they rushed her up to the NICU.  The next night she had to be revived because she stopped breathing, and the force of the cpr left a tear in her skin on her chest that didn’t heal for weeks.

My blood pressure kept me in the hospital for a week, and I was only released because a nurse told me how to get a false/lower score, so my doctor would finally release me. Nixon however, had to stay in the NICU for 77 days.

Let me make this perfectly clear:

I was completely healthy. I was eating all the right foods. I was exercising and going on walks everyday. I was so happy; I genuinely loved being pregnant. I loved feeling Nixon move and kick. I loved nesting and getting her nursery perfect. And all of that was taken away from be because of the stress and emotional duress inflicted upon me by my horrible bitch of a sister in law. I truly believe that her virulent tirade single-handedly put me in the hospital and I will never forgive her for what she robbed me of.

Because of her I missed out on the last three months of my pregnancy.

Because of her I didn’t get a 4d ultrasound.

Because of her I didn’t get to take maternity pictures.

Because of her I didn’t get to deliver my baby naturally, as I had planned.

Because of her I didn’t get to breastfeed.

Because of her MY BABY SUFFERED AND ALMOST DIED.

Because of her I didn’t even get to hold Nixon until she was a week old.

Because of her I had to watch my baby struggle in a plastic box for over 2 months.

Because of her my baby has had surgeries and blood transfusions and may still have developmental problems as she grows up.

Since Nixon has been home Amber has repeatedly tried to ignore me and see Nixon. No matter how many times I refuse she keeps showing up. She actually had the audacity to try to come to the hospital!

I will NEVER forgive Amber for the pain and suffering she has wrought on my family. She will never be allowed near our baby or me.

So if you’re reading this Amber- FUCK YOU, you heartless pathetic bitch. You wrote in your email, “Have you thought about how your actions are going to effect Nixon? Our child may have lost an aunt and uncle, but Nixon is losing an entire side of the family.” My response now is the same as it was 7 months ago:

How dare you. ALL we think about is our child, and my actions reflect my consideration of her perfectly. Ultimately the best thing for her is not to have such hateful and judgmental people in her life, so yes, I am confident that walking away from the ridiculous bullshit you and your mother bring can only lead to positive things for my daughter. I won’t subject Nixon to the kind of mental abuse your family has forced me to endure over the past year. Inversely, neither you nor your mother have given Nixon ANY thought; apparently all you've done is talk behind our backs about what a terrible life we're setting her up for. I know from experience that she's better off without that sort of "family."