When I was little I was always disappointed that we didn’t have any extended family, especially around the holidays. It seemed like all of my friends got to visit their grandparents or aunts and uncles, and we didn’t; my mom’s side of the family was in West Virginia and Pittsburgh, and my dad’s family was in Louisiana. Every few years we flew out to Louisiana, and sometimes Uncle Timmy visited from Florida (those were always my favorite holidays), but most years it was just the four of us.
Before we tied the knot, I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with Adam’s family. They invited me to their annual Christmas Eve party, and I was in their family Christmas photo. It sounds cheesy, but it was a dream come true. They were so welcoming and loving and I couldn’t wait to be a part of their family.
Now, in retrospect, it feels like that was all a lie, and I so desperately wanted to be a part of a family that I was blind to their deceit.
Well, the holiday season is upon us and, once again, I am struggling to find my cheerful spirit. While I am excited to celebrate Nixon’s first Thanksgiving and Christmas (at home), I can’t seem to fight off feelings of resentment and bitterness toward my husband’s family for cheating us out of the big family style holidays that I pictured when Adam and I got married.
Last year, because Nixon was in the hospital, we were so wrapped up in hospital trips, and wondering when Nixon would be healthy enough to come home, that we really didn’t give much thought to the holidays. But I want this year to be special for Nixon, so I am torn. Should I suffer through Adam’s passive aggressive and unwelcoming family so that Nixon gets the big, loving, family style holiday that I always wanted as a child, or should I just focus on OUR family and creating our own special traditions, and bypass all of the hostility and grief?
Sigh. I just want to fast forward to the part of my life that I actually get to enjoy a Merry Christmas. I’ll keep praying about it, and maybe I’ll send Santa a letter too, just for good measure.
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I say go to his family's house when Nixon gets a bit older...she won't remember any of this right now...but when she is like 3...start the traditions then! In the mean time, work on rebuilding a relationship with his family in BABY STEPS! That way , in a few years, Nixon won't have to deal with the tension and hostility that may be present this year! =) xox I know you will do the right thing...whatever that may be!
ReplyDeleteThanks Marianne! I think you're probably right. We'll obviously bring her over to Adam's parent's house on Christmas, but I think we'll skip the annual Christmas Eve party this year. I hope you and Kenny have a great holiday, and that your families love eachother!
ReplyDeleteYou should create traditions and memories with your family (you three). Something that she will remember growing up on with you and Adam.
ReplyDeleteAs for his family, I think the baby steps approach mentioned above is good to test, but don't kill yourself trying too hard or even expect things to get better (at least not quickly). It may be a negative outlook but I would rather be surprised than disappointed.
Either way, I think Nixon has you and Adam and that's all she really needs for a sturdy/happy outlook on holidays =)