Self-Defeating Behavior

My good friend Jason posted this article on facebook a few days ago, lamenting that he was guilty of almost all 30 of the self-defeating actions listed. Upon reading the list I realized that I too was guilty of most, if not all 30.

Here are my top 5:

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one. 

10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. 

11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.

For me, numbers 1, 6, and 18 go hand in hand. I used to be so good at cutting people out of my life- I'm not sure why I've spent the past couple of years trying to force puzzle pieces together that were obviously never meant to fit. My sister is always reminding me that I can't change other people, I can only change myself.  In 2012 I won't perpetuate these mistakes; I'm going to surround myself with my wonderful and loving friends, and disassociate COMPLETELY with the people that bring me down and infringe upon my happiness.

I also see a connection between numbers 10 and 11, however keeping busy and making myself happy were never on my radar before as things I needed to consciously do. Until recently I was always hyperactive and on the go, and consequently I was in pretty good shape. I think it was only after we had Nixon, and I was saddled with all of the emotional baggage that comes with being a part of a family that hates you, that I really began to hide and become introverted.  I started using all of my free time to over think and analyze my failed relationship with my in-laws, and in doing so I picked a lot of unnecessary fights with my husband. In 2012 I am going to break free and start actively living my life like I used to. I am not going to allow negative people to take up space in my head, and I am going to focus on making myself happy, and my husband and my daughter REALLY happy.

I also think I need to dust off my boots and take up line dancing again, and dance away some of the physical and mental baggage I let consume me in 2010. Oh, and I'm sure chasing Nixon around will help too- our little peanut is a maniac now that she's walking/running!