Hardest day of my life

So today, just one day after our daughter was born, Nixon had to be given chest compressions and oxygen to be revived because she stopped breathing. God was watching over her, and she made it through, but where the doctors touched her to do the compressions there is an open hole, because the skin was so thin and delicate that it tore open. It’s so difficult to see and know all of the pain she is going through. I wish I could take it for her. No baby should have to suffer this much.

I’ve been pretty depressed, and worried, and all I can do is keep praying to God, pleading with him that I need my baby more than he does. The hard reality is that Nixon might not make it, and even if she does, being 3 months premature could leave her with serious developmental problems. She doesn't deserve this!

Because of the severity of my pre-eclampsia I’ve only JUST gotten to even see her, and it will probably be another week before I can hold her. She is so small. When I put my finger in her hand, her hand only wraps halfway around it. It’s truly a miracle that she’s alive, and I know we are very blessed, but I can’t stop crying.  I just want to kiss and hold my baby.